Relationship Problems? & Minding Your Own Businesee

I believe that every single relationship on earth has the own problem. To me, relationship without problems just arent’s relationship at all. They are simply two person wanting something at the moment of time and ignore each other when they don’t need the other one. In other words, they just care what they want when they want it and they don’t care when they don’t want it. Nevertheless, there are people out there that would disagreewith me. What they agree is that relationship should be perfect, no quarrel and no fighting. Well, I have only a word for these kind of people, bullshit. Even life is full of problem, problems that needed to be solve, that’s the purpose of life. Relationship is part of one’s life, so it must have problems. Those people who couldn’t accept that relationship should have problem are simply ignorant. These ignorant simply don’t want to accept the facts and avoiding them as well as escaping the problem instead of dealing with it.

On the other hand, I want to talk about minding your own business. I have a story, about a pig in a farm. There was also a horse in the farm. One day, the horse fall sick and couldn’t stand up. So, the farmer called the vet to check on him. A series of test is done by the vet and it is found that the horse was infected with serious disease which is fatal. Antidote is being given to the horse and the vet told the farmer that he would come back tomorrow. Besides, he also told the farmer that if the horse couldn’t stand back up after three days, it must be put to sleep. The pig heard about this, and because he doesn’t want the horse to put to sleep, he wants to take things into his own matter to save the horse. What he did is that he ran to the farm where the horse is lying on and told him everything as well as pleeding him to stand up or else he will die. The second day, the vet came and checked on the horse again but found no changes or improvement. Again, the pig beg and pleaded very hard to the horse asking him to stand up to save his own life. Very hard the horse tried but he is too weak to stand up. On the third day, which is the day that the horse will put to sleep if the condition doesn’t improve. The vet came early and checked on the horse for the final time. After doing so, he walked to the farmer and tell him the bad news. The vet said that the horse must be put to sleep if not all the other animals in the farm will be infected. The pig who overheard the conversation rushed to the horse to tell him that they ate going to put him to sleep if he don’t stand up now, it’s now or never. The horse, gather all his strength and put it all on his legs and tried to stand up. He did it ! Finally! The farmer and the vet was very amazed by the miracle. To celebrate this, the pig is sacrificed as food in the party. So, I don’t need to tell you the value of this story, it’s very obvious. If you don’t see it, refer back to the first sentence of this paragraph, it’s the topic sentence.

Forgetting

It’s been almost a month now since I was back here in PJ. And from the last sem break, I found out that long distance relationship is harder to maintain than I thought it would be. First, final exam came and went and you finally get to go back and meet her. To me, it was very delight. When I was back in Penang, I spent so much of my time with her, so much that one day we can meet each other up to three or four times! We met so frequent until that my parents found out about her. It’s no more a secret right now. Time flies like no other days in that one month. In a blink of an eye, it was time again to come back. Being back for the first week, I found myself in the same condition as when I was here for the first time. The pain that I endured of missing her is too much to bear and to think of this would happen for every single semester did not make things any better.

However, things aren’t getting along lately. We have been arguing again, quite often. I don’t know why, but we seems to have forgotten our promise to each other before all this started from the beginning of my foundation course. As time goes by, slowly, bit by bit, we lost our detailed memories together and can only see each other’s flaws and cons. We started argue of who being wrong and who being right and ended up not speaking to each other. Nowadays, she has a bad habit that really getting my nerve. Whenever she is mad of me, she will switched off her phone so that I couldn’t reach her. I used to do that when I was fed up of her last time, long time ago but I never do it anymore. Maybe she forget the pain she felt when she is unable to reach me. Perhaps, this is the feeling she wants me to feel, hurting me purposely. She once told me that she love me like she never loved anyone before. I really trusted her and believe in what she is trying to convey to me. But on current situations, it is not true anymore. Nowadays, she would have the heart to leave me hurt like that, putting me aside, caring her own feelings. Back then, it was my feelings over her feelings in a sense that she would see me smile than herself smiling. Because once she see my smiles, she’ll smiles. I couldn’t stop telling myself that, maybe both of us had reach a no turning point, a situation that there is no going back, no reset button, no second chance would do and no starting all over again. Once again, she is not afraid of losing me...

Happening

Things happen every day. Almost a week before, the results of the final examination is out. At first glance of my results, I was really really happy and satisfied about it. However, when I look at it again and again. I ask myself why didn’t I do better although my results is better than most others. I was kind of disappointed that I didn’t get better results.

Things were much different for my elder brother. His results was out a few days back. It is his re-sit examination. He took the paper again because he failed it on the first attempt. Still, in this exam, he shows no improvement and still failed the subjects that he re-took. Dad and grandma was upset because of the outcome of his results. As for himself, it was just short-term. I don’t know how he manage it, but he make the thing looked uncomplicated and he didn’t care much about it. He treated it light and unimportant. The next day, he was as good as new, like nothing ever happen. For this aspect, I can say that it is both a good and bad thing. I wish I can feel like him when the time is bad for me. But I just couldn’t... And education is so so so important to me, so important that no one could understand how important it is to me.

As for my relationship, things are neither bad nor good. There are good times and there are bad times. Everyone of us enjoy good time more than bad times. Good times are like I brought her to see my parents. Bad times are like today... I love her, no matter what. Unfortunately for today, she talked a little bit too much that is getting my nerve. To be perfectly honest, it is very difficult to look into her face and tell her that she is very annoying. But I did it anyway, it just slipped out of my lips accidentally. Maybe my temper is at its point of no return.

In some moments, I just wanted peace and calm. Not too much talk but not too little as well. Why am I like this? It begun with my previous girlfriend. Before this, I was very talkative to my girlfriend and want to spent every second of my time with her. She was the other way round, the opposite of what I want. She wanted some time of herself and being leave alone sometimes. So, after she and I broke up, I changed. In my mind, women like mature guys who doesn’t talk much and spend his time separately after the date. Current girlfriend isn’t like so. If you get it, you get it... If you don’t never mind. In short, she is just like me before. In this situation, I just have no idea of what to do and how to do. So, what I would do is just leave it and just pretend nothing happen and look forward to the next day. It is because sometimes I feel that I couldn’t handle her in a manner way. Me myself is pretty sad now because there is only a few days left before I’ll head back to PJ and still here we are in a cold war. Does this means that she doesn’t appreciate the time left between us before we can meet again in the next 4 months. Anyway... .. .

Back to my study, in my second semester, I hope myself to be more hard working. Spend less time on shows and movies and more of my time on report, assignment, revision and practice. In other words, I’ll try to do better than I did in my first semester and perhaps score better.

Happening

Things happen every day. Almost a week before, the results of the final examination is out. At first glance of my results, I was really really happy and satisfied about it. However, when I look at it again and again. I ask myself why didn’t I do better although my results is better than most others. I was kind of disappointed that I didn’t get better results.

Things were much different for my elder brother. His results was out a few days back. It is his re-sit examination. He took the paper again because he failed it on the first attempt. Still, in this exam, he shows no improvement and still failed the subjects that he re-took. Dad and grandma was upset because of the outcome of his results. As for himself, it was just short-term. I don’t know how he manage it, but he make the thing looked uncomplicated and he didn’t care much about it. He treated it light and unimportant. The next day, he was as good as new, like nothing ever happen. For this aspect, I can say that it is both a good and bad thing. I wish I can feel like him when the time is bad for me. But I just couldn’t... And education is so so so important to me, so important that no one could understand how important it is to me.

As for my relationship, things are neither bad nor good. There are good times and there are bad times. Everyone of us enjoy good time more than bad times. Good times are like I brought her to see my parents. Bad times are like today... I love her, no matter what. Unfortunately for today, she talked a little bit too much that is getting my nerve. To be perfectly honest, it is very difficult to look into her face and tell her that she is very annoying. But I did it anyway, it just slipped out of my lips accidentally. Maybe my temper is at its point of no return.

In some moments, I just wanted peace and calm. Not too much talk but not too little as well. Why am I like this? It begun with my previous girlfriend. Before this, I was very talkative to my girlfriend and want to spent every second of my time with her. She was the other way round, the opposite of what I want. She wanted some time of herself and being leave alone sometimes. So, after she and I broke up, I changed. In my mind, women like mature guys who doesn’t talk much and spend his time separately after the date. Current girlfriend isn’t like so. If you get it, you get it... If you don’t never mind. In short, she is just like me before. In this situation, I just have no idea of what to do and how to do. So, what I would do is just leave it and just pretend nothing happen and look forward to the next day. It is because sometimes I feel that I couldn’t handle her in a manner way. Me myself is pretty sad now because there is only a few days left before I’ll head back to PJ and still here we are in a cold war. Does this means that she doesn’t appreciate the time left between us before we can meet again in the next 4 months. Anyway... .. .

Back to my study, in my second semester, I hope myself to be more hard working. Spend less time on shows and movies and more of my time on report, assignment, revision and practice. In other words, I’ll try to do better than I did in my first semester and perhaps score better.

Being back ...

It’s a Thursday today... Morning, I woke up early at 7.15am. I had to wake up so early because I have to go to JPN office to renew my IC. I left the house at around 7.30 am. Other things beside renewing my IC this morning was to fetch my girl to school. However, her class starts at 10 am, so she had to follow me to the JPN office.

I reached the office there before 8 am which is the time it should have open already. To my relief, the office opened before eight and there were people who arrived even earlier. I got the number from the counter and it’s number twelve. Not bad... But for the first half an hour, progress was really really slow. Only after that it seems reasonable. But still it would still take another half an hour or so to be my turn. It turn out to be not like that. Because when the number reach 9. An old lady come to me and asked me what number am I. I told her twelve. She wanted to exchange the number with me and I can see that she is holding the number 9. We exchanged and I went to the counter to process my renewal. It took about 5-8 minutes to scan both of my thumb print and then take a picture of me. I paid ten ringgit for the renewal. I guess this is how the government makes money. LOL. After everything was completed, I was told that it’ll be done in a month’s time, and I’ll need to collect it only after a month in which I will not be able to as I am going to go back to PJ at the 15^th of next month.

After that, she and I went to the McDonald’s at Greenlane’s... I missed the breakfast so much and I ordered two sets of it. I love the Sausage McMuffin especially. It’s still early and we have a lot of time before it reaches ten o’clock. So, we sat there and chatted for some time. I was surprised to see that the seats are not full. In fact, there wasn’t enough customer in it to even occupied half of the seats available. I mean, this McDonald’s outlet especially is opened 24 hours per day and 7 days per week and is located at the most commonly used road in Penang. It’s around 9am-10am, so maybe it can be excused because everybody is either going to work or school or anything of their concern.

Since I was back, I had accompanied my girlfriend for quite some time already. I hope that she doesn’t feel being avoided or being ignored even I am back now. Maybe because of this, she is somehow pampered. Today, morning, after the breakfast, I wanted to fetch her to her college but she reluctantly refused to go to school. She insisted that today’s class is useless and it’s pointless that she attend them. My opinion, class are important regardless of their usefulness. We attend class even if it is useless because of discipline matter. If we allow ourselves to skip class so often, it will eventually become a habit. This habit will follow us into our working days and so on. After 20 minutes of argument and pleading of so, she agreed to go to school. Later, I went home and continue my sleep with my girl dog, Viki... LOL...

I had my lunch at grandma’s and went home. Till now, I had somehow completed the first chapter of chemistry of semester 2. It’s not hard, but I just want to get everything into place and prepare myself for the next semester. So, because I already did my study, I planned to watch a few movies in the evening. After all, dad bought new Blu-ray Disc which I can enjoy in his home theatre which may cost more than 50k... The Blu-ray disc itself cost 150 ringgit. OMG... Nevertheless, at least I can enjoy Full HD ^^ So, what I watched is the third movie of UNDERWORLD: The Rise of The Lycans. The story is not bad. But most of the settings are during the night. So, most of the scenes are quite dark. The length of the movie isn’t so long either. I think maybe roughly one and an half of hour. Seems early, so I proceed with the next movie. I didn’t concentrate much on this movie because I was online and busy with my Facebook and checking my mails. However, even without my concentration, I can really tell that it is a nice movie. It’s a true story that is about the assassination of Hitler. You know, watching a movie will increase not only one’s language but also one’s knowledge. Because while watching this show, I learned that Hitler has a brother called Himmler.

Elder brother is going to work starting this Saturday and I am assigned to fetch him to work and back from work, lol... At least, after I dropped him at work, then I can have the car on my own for the rest of the day.

Coming back to Penang give me a feeling that is hard to explain. I can’t say that I am not glad to be back. Being back give me a sense of easiness. However, my freedom had been removed from me. Daily, I have to go down to grandma’s for meal and so on. But then I get to spend time with my dog, watch movie with my dad’s big plasma... and so on ... .. . But still I prefer to be in PJ, or perhaps not so fast... Because I miss the food here !!!!

One week's EXAM !!!

It’s 1852 hour now, Saturday... It’s raining on and off here in Kuala Lumpur. I’m now at waiting to board my bus back to Penang at Kuala Lumpur station. It’s still early, so I think I’ll write something while waiting. I have been off for quite some time ass lately I was busy for my examination. But it’s over now, the test is over. Well, to be accurate, it just over. My last test was Math, which I was not doing well on it. But I did not give up on it. Last night, I was so tired after sitting for my Computer Studies paper. The paper went well, I know how to answer pretty much all of the question. Some of them are from past year question which I did went through the previous night. But then, still, there are a few question that I don’t know how to answer. Nevertheless, I tried to answer it in a reasonable answer hoping that it would gain me some marks better than nothing.

As for today’s paper, I honestly thought it would be a disaster for me. However, I think my hard work pay off which I started since weeks before the examination started. Same like the Computer Studies, I know how to answer most of the question. But still, nothing is perfect, so I had a few question in which I am not sure about my solution. However, it would still guarantee me an A for math, which is more than I could hope for based on my performance. I am quite delighted to say this. Because math is my worst nightmare. It’s the subject that would drag me down on my CGPA. I am aiming for 4.0, but 3.9 would also be fine for me. And in order to get 4.0, I need to get A for all my subjects. And to achieve 3.9, I would need to get at least 4 A’s and maximum of 2 A-‘s ... .. . Ok now, the rest of the subject.

The first paper of the examination was Physics in last Saturday. In this paper, I was very very confidence indeed. It’s very I can perform very well. But then the paper was harder than I thought it would be. Was shocked shockingly !!! Luckily I perform well in my coursework thus I can afford to lose more marks in this final exam. Although it doesn’t went well on the first subject. I still manage complete it one piece. Should be an A, hope so, if the other question has no careless mistake on it.

No paper on Sunday, so I was busy preparing for the next paper. Monday was English test and Tuesday was Chemistry test. I didn’t thought that there is anything I could revise on my English. Therefore, I concentrated my revision on my chemistry. So, on Monday, the English test went ok, it’s neither easy nor hard and I completed it in just an hour. I used another half an hour to check on it and then I left the exam hall. So, when I left the hall, what I did was to revise on my Principles of Economics which is on Wednesday instead of Chemistry which is on the next day. I had a lot of confidence in my Chemistry more than in my Physics.

On the next day, the Chemistry, well, I can only say one thing, which is, I am so happy for it. Only a minor question that I don’t know how to do. Ok, nothing much for this, so let’s move to Wednesday. Okay, Principle of Economics. Well, I can’t say that I am very good at this because I am still new to it. However, I did work hard on this subject lately and I score 4.8 out of 5 marks in my quiz, highest in my group, which based on my friend’s calculation is one incorrect out of 30 questions. This gave me a bit of confidence. The examination itself wasn’t very hard and they have questions which are something similar to past year question. It’s EASY !!!!

Something pretty funny happened today during exam. I went into the wrong  room ! So 15 minutes through the exam, I had to change room. ^^  THAT’S ALL

Giving Up? Maybe not...

It’s 20 minutes to 2 o’clock in the afternoon now. Waiting for the next class to start… Everybody is busying their own things. Students from the other class are having fun taking pictures together. My class, half of it is missing. Because they are skipping the class as the lecture is not teaching and there will only presentation throughout the class. That’s why they left. Another group of students were quarantine because one of the students in the group was infected with H1N1 virus. So, they will be missing for a week. Unfortunately… Well, due to this, more than half of the class is missing. I guess the lecturer is going to be mad. Nevertheless, some of the students were a bit upset about their marks for physics test 2. Some had gain as some had degrade in marks. I had gain, that’s the most important thing that I care for. Lately, I had found that we can’t compare ourselves with other. Let says, last time, my marks is lower than his. And then, this time around, my marks is higher than him. This doesn’t mean that I have improved, no. Now, I want to change my thinking. To improve is to get a higher marks than my previous marks for the same subjects over the same total marks regardless of the different in difficulty. That is what is improving. To compare to yourself is better than comparing to any other people in this world. Once you keep improving, one day, you will triumph everyone in this world. My math is not good, and my grade is going down and down from one chapter to another. God present an opportunity for me to change that fact. The math test is the last test in the final exam. It means I have a longer period of preparing for it. For people who did not do well in the physics exam, I understand the feeling of beaten, it was how I felt for my math. Don’t give up just because you don’t understand the subject, don’t hate the subject because it’s hard. Take it on as a challenge. As something meant impossible but make it possible. Love it because it’s something that you don’t know. Love it as something that you can learn new things discover new knowledge. That way, no matter what, you can do it. Another thing I want to specified, knowledge is not limited. When human studies everything that we had ever known, we try to discover new things, new knowledge. It’s human nature. So, don’t plan to stop studying. If you think so, then there’s only one word to describe you, “lazy”. Education is endless. There is saying in Chinese, it means you learn as you age.

Long distance relationship?

It has been almost three months now, that I have been here. The semester is coming to an end and the final exam is coming. To me delight, everything here had gone pretty much acceptable. Life is full of freedom, and my studies are just fine. Unfortunately, my relationship isn't heading the same way. It's decaying over the past three months. Our relationship had only got worst from time to time. I can feel that it'scoming to an end. However, I don't want to. Lately, we had a lot of arguements. Some were my fault ans some were her's. Although I knew that it has gone really bad, I still don't want to end it. Or is it that it already ended. Just now, we had another arguement. To be honest, it's a silly arguement. I'm going back to Penang at the 28th. She asked to see or meet me just for a while when I am back. I said I'll try but no promise. I have a few reasons. First, maybe I don't even have the time to go out as I need to prepare myself for the final exam. Second, I don't have any transportation, therefore, it would be a problem for me to go out. Yes, I did say that I am going to meet my friends when I am back. But I'm not sure about that either. It's the same situation for her as it is for them. I am not being one sided here. However, she didn't think so. She thought that my studies are too important compare to her. She thought that meeting my friends is a must but meeting her isn't. Yup, maybe it is my fault. I shouldn't tell her that I am going back. I saw this coming, but still I don't want to hide from her that I am going back. She also thinks that the purpose of going back it's not because of her but because of something else although she didn't mention it. But the main point is this, I have no purpose of going back. I would actually prefer on staying here. I wouldn't need to rush to the bus station with my hands full of bags up and down. I am going back simply because my dad ask me to. He said since monday is a holiday, why don't you come back and he'll pay for the bus ticket. Well, I was thinking, since he is paying the bus tickets, and going back to hometown meaning I don't have to spend on my meal, then it's a deal. It's never because of anything that I decided to go back.

Because of all these. She thought that it would be wise that she leave me. She thought that she is a pain for me. She thought leaving me would make my life better. I just don't understand why she thinks so much of everything. I just don't get it! She also told me that whatever she did is for me. Well, leaving me isn't one of it. So, it's a bullshit talk. I just don't know what to do now. Maybe I'll just keep silent and see how she is going to deal with it. Or perhaps, she already decided to leave me... Like I said before, she is becoming stronger and stronger as in terms leading the relationship. I wouldn't like that... .. . I want females who needs mens, but not taking mens as something that they can own... I'm sorry, but if she has the will power to leave me, I don't have any to stop her. Mainly, it's because that's what she wants, but not what's for me...

Why do I work so hard?

Yesterday, I went to Old Town at Jaya One opposite my campus to have my dinner, alone. It’s nothing special, just thought of eating curry mee because I missed it a lot. I stay there to do some surfing for some time and chatting with my friends through msn. I left at around nine like that. So, I went for a walk around there. There’s a lot of shops there. Old Town, Station 1 Café, Nando’s, Secret Recipe, Starbucks, Coffee Bean, Wendy’s and so on. Actually, it’s kind of something much similar to E-gate at Penang, but much more bigger and more shops. While I was walking around, I saw a car but not any ordinary car. In fact, it’s the first of its kind that I have seen. It’s a Porsche 911 GT2. A stripped down light weight and more powerful version of the 911. I guess it cost around 1.9 million or more perhaps. It’s white so it’s damn nice with its big dark wheel and big operating spoilers along with 2 big exhaust to add to its beauty. It’s so low, so low that the roof just bare reach over my waist. I love this car, it’s the kind of car that I want to be in, to be seen in. I want to own one in the future. This is the kind of stuff that drives me mad, to work hard for the future. It’s not about pride of richness sometimes, I just love these kind of stuff and the way I’m going to get it was to work hard on myself, to earn enough money to own things like this. KL is much like an inspiration to me. Because at here, it’s very common to saw cars like this. Yes, I did saw a few Porsche already, but nothing like this one. In penang, you can see it too, but not that often. Seeing these kind of things inspired me to work harder and not to give up how hard whatever it is. To much of my awareness, nothing is impossible for me. In my pursue to success, I found out that the limiting factor in me is my determination. If I work harder in anything, I could do it eventually. But sometimes, things are just too messy and too hard, driving me to give up on it. After seeing that car, I told myself that I would do anything to own one of that. I burnt it into the memory of my mind just to remember how the car looks like in real life. And before I went to bed, my mind has a number on it which I set before starting on this semester, it’s 3.9. It’s the CGPA that I want to score in my foundation. And last night, I fall asleep with a big dream ahead of me, not knowing it will come true or not… .. .

Done with one week, here comes next week...

Just done with my chemistry test. Frankly, it's not hard, just hoping that there's not careless mistakes. The same goes for my physcis test. So, this week have been a very very busy week indeed. Previously, there should be an English test on Wednesday, but then it was cancelled. And then there was a presentation on Thursday. Because of this presentation, I spent a lot of time preparing for it, the points and the slide shows, who will be the first, second and third speaker, it's a debate by the way. So, I have to prepare the questions that we need to ask them in part 2 as well. Unfortunately, I had to do almost everything with the help of CS. Without him, I wouldn't even have the time to do my revision on my Physics and Chemistry test. As for the other two teammates, they weren't helpful at all. One of it, as the first speaker of the debate, I asked him to prepare his speech. The next day I asked him for his part of speech, he said he haven't done it yet. I asked him to done with it as soon as possible. And then he asked me when do I need it, so I told him by the presentation of course. Then, he told me he'll give me by that time. So, how are we going to discuss? We can't! I don't know what was he thinking about. In the end, he did pass it to me, which is by Thursday, the day that we presented. However, I would need to change alomost everything for him. It's barely useful. We went to Starbucks to do our last discussion. So, there were four of us. Instead of doing the work together, half of us were working on it, and half of us weren't. What the other half did was study and playing online game on the spot. Being a leader of the team, I could actually scold them for not doing their work. But then, I am not such guys. I don't want people to look differently on me just because of this. I held firm. After all, this is the last thing that I have to do with them already. So, I thought I would just get over with it.

The next day, the debate. Part 1 of it was very simple as we just went on with our prepared speech. As for the opposing, it was kind of funny for what they did. Their leader, was trying to oppose on my points. He opposed so much that he didn't have the time to stress on his own points. In the end, he ran out of time before completing his own points. As in part 2, it's open debate and questions were being asked. Ok, the debate was actually soft copy versus hard copy . And my team in on soft copy. So in part 2, another funny thing was done by the leader of the opponent team again. As I mentioned just now, it's about soft copy and hard copy. But then, in one of his points, he stressed on Global Positioning System(GPS). Knowing that he was out of the topic already, I couldn't go on stressing his points. So, what I did was saying that the motion had nothing to do with GPS or maps. It's about documentation using soft copy or hard copy. In part 2, only the leaders from both team are debating, as for the rest of the team, they were just sitting there only. From here, you can actually tell that who was doing their homework and who didn't.

So, the debate ended. So, I went to Secret Recipe to treat myself. At the same time, did a light revision my Physics for the test next day. Actually I already did the revison in advanced, but then I was afraid that it wasn't enough as for the previous test for my Physics, my score was not satisfying for me. I just wanna do better. About that, lately, I got back my test paper for my math already, it was the second mid term test of the semester. Frankly, I dropped a lot if compared to the first test. As for this, I don't blame myself for it. The chapters covered in that test was pretty hard and I am not good in these 2 chapters. But still, I manage to reach my target that is scoring more than half. I am satisfied but still feeling that I could have done better. Time was my limiting factor. Coming back to my revision. For my Physics, all chapters covered in the test was ok for me except one, the Simple Harmonic Motion. It's not a complicating chapter actually, just a few formulae and equations. But the concept is rather hasty and mixing. I didn't want to give it. So, what I did was that I read the text book trying to understand the concept. It's my best chance. Physics, you know, it's quite special. You either undestand it, or you don't. It's like math. In fact, everything in Physcis is math. To be relief, although I am not good in math, but I'm pretty well in Physics. I'm trying to change myself now. I don't like to study at the last minute or last day. I want this to change. I want to graps every single second to improve myself.

Chemistry test was pretty much as easy as physics. So, all are over now, for the week that is. Next week, there will be English test as well as quiz for Principle of Economics. Besides, there is 2 science report to be done. So, it's another busy week. One week after another, and the work will never come to and end. Life in college is so much different from life at primary and secondary school. But I like the constant busy-ness. It's what life it is when we are in the labout force. And I have four and a half years in doing so, preparing myself for the real deal.

Busy Life

Lately, I have been very busy. So, busy that I don't even know how fast time flies by. The semester is coming to an end soon. Meaning, the final exam is coming and I'll be more busy than ever.

people

I’m feeling very upset now. I don’t know why, I worked very hard very hard, and yet here I am, feeling beaten already before the test started. I’m very down, so down that I gave on trying to improve on it. It just doesn’t work anymore, I don’t know why I can’t get it, I don’t know why I can’t see the solution. I did practice, to improve myself. I did improve, but still not enough. Today is the day I’m sitting for my Math test II and the world is ending on me.

For so many years, I was so good in mathematics. For so many years, I don’t have a problem understand it. But for now, that was then, not anymore. I still understand the working and the solution if I see it. But I can’t see it on my own anymore. I can remember the formulae, knowing how to apply, but not knowing when to apply and where to apply. I’m frustrated, dissapointed and my determination is running down. I came here aiming for CGPA of 3.9 and here I am, can’t even solve some simple mathematic question. I want to get to my target, my way of getting there is by hardworking, but I just can’t reach it. It’s really stressing me out. Giving the condition I am in now, I will only fail myself. Although this isn’t an option, I don’t have any option besides this…

In my class, there’s a variety kind of person. Hardworking, smart, honest, talkative, lazy, and worst is dumbass person. During my assignment, I have found that not all students are aiming high and they aren’t performing at their best. When asked to do something, simply they will do. I have these kind of friends in my group. And to be honest, I hate them a lot right now. I meant it! Because of them, I had to do the assignment, to do the assignmnet almost all by my own. Because of this, I have no time to study, no time to do revision, to practice on more exercise. Such person is Adrian. He’s from Sabah, not a bad person. The problem is that he don’t take things seriously, didn’t care about the assignment. The work he has done for me is merely just a copy paste from the webpage. It can’t be used, I had to redo and time is needed. Sacrifice had to be made. Another one is Shen Wei, from Melaka, also a nice person just like Adrian. In priciples of economics assignment, I assigned him with Adrian to do on a particular question. I got their work after a week. From there, I know that it’s not their work. Again, it’s a copy and paste from the Internet. Out of more than 900 words, only less than50 can be used. The rest, I can call them irrelevent point, but I wanna stress that it’s all rubbish. I told him that he did not contribute to the assignment. He answered me that he did. So, I told him about Adrian and his work. What he answered me hurts me a lot. This is what he answered: “It’s you who don’t want to use the other point in their work”. I told him it can’t be used, and doesn’t related to the topic. Because of these people, I had to do the assignment myself, and this is how they thank me.

I have a friend, Mel, from the same state as I am. She is experiencing the same situation as I am. I pity her a lot. Same like me, she had to do the assignment for all of her teammate, for 2 assignment. It’s a lot of work and needs a lot of time. Researchs are needed, and ananlysis need to be done on it. It takes weeks not days. At the end of the assignment, we have a part where each of us will give a mark for the other four teammates. The points range from lowest 1 to highest 5 based on contributions to the assignment. So, for her, it’s only fair to give them 1 mark. As for them, which do not have moral value, they gave each other 5 marks. I don’t know how thick is their face or what it’s made of, but it’s ridiculous. Mel determined to give them from 1-2, I wasn’t sure about this. So, there is one useless jerk from her group. He is our class representative. He is older than most of us. Why? Because he had done his form 6 already. But then he forget to apply for public university. So, his parents which is hawker must pay for his college fees now. How responsible is this guy? So, in thie assignment, from what I can tell, he is much useless than useful. However, this particular guy doesn’t feel satisfy when my friend, Mel wanted to give him only 1 for the contributions. It will affects their marks for the assignment. Indeed, Mel is being harsh on them, but to me it’s necessary. To these kind of people, you need to be. So, what he did is that, I heard from Mel, he said the rest of the team can be harsh to her too. By giving her only 1 mark for her contributions instead of 5! To me, that’s threatening. And this kinf of people, is more than useless. The society doesn’t need this kind of people.

This world is full of people who take other people for granted. And I curse them to death. It’s almost 2 pm now. And I need to attend my science practical class, after that, I’ll have to face my mathematics test.

Sunday, Tuesday & Today

Ithink sometimes life can be very fair and sometimes it may not be. In other words, it depends. Lately, I had bought something new and expensive for myself. It’s actually a birthday present that I bought for myself. It’s a netbook and I really like it a lot. It’s veru useful when comes to portability and because of its small size, I can put it into a small bag. I felt that I have a need to bring my laptop everyday to school because I need it for study purpose and I really mean it. I don’t bring it to school just to online. Because the notes of my course are all in softcopy form, usually I copy the notes into hardcopy from the hardcopy. So, I need my laptop when I’m in university. After I bought this netbook, I found it to be very useful in my studies. Because of its small size, it doesn’t occupy much of the table space which I need it. Secondly, the battery life last longer too, and that means that I don’t necessary need a plug that often than that of my notebook. This is what I bought from the PC Fair.These are pictures of it. ^^

Okay, now… Tuesday… On Tuesday… Well, it’s not a good day for me. Well, maybe not just for me. Hmmm. We got back our test paper for principles of economics already, and for me, I didn’t do as good as I hope that I would. I felt beaten and lost because I did put effort on it. But I don’t understand why. I didn’t fail it, but then I was really disappointed of myself. Sometimes I blame myself for not working hard enough, sometimes I blame my friends because I had to do the assignment all by myself. But then again, I could have manage my time better. Whichever way it is, it’s pointless crying over a spilled milk. I made a promise to myself, that I’m going to work harder on it, to improve on it. And again, it’s not going to be easy as chaos is coming. Why do I say so? Math exam is on this Friday. On Saturday, my university is having a replacement class for the 31^st of August which falls on Monday. Meaning,I need to attend class instead of studying. Why do I want to study? Because on next Wednesday, I am sitting for English test. On next Friday, I’m going to sit for Physics test. That’s not all because there is another test on Saturday as well, it’s Chemistry test. Next week onwards, I still have to do presentation on Computer Studies which I don’t know when my group will be presenting as the date has not been set. Now, it’s already Week 10 for my semester and it’s coming to an end on Week 14, which means another month or so to go. A study week will be provided, which is one week and then there onwards, it’s the final exam. It’s a constant cycle which is very frustrating. Now, it’s like the end of the world. Luckily, I have my baby netbook to cherish me up! ^^

And for today, I'm quite happy about myself. Because there's a silver lining to my target of 3.9 and above. HMMM !! It's my computer studies! I can say that I was quite satisfied with it although I was aiming higher. Now, I just have to brush up my weakness...

I let myself down

I got back two of my test paper already . Non of them satifies me , unfortunately . For chemistry , I score 38 out of 40 . It may sound good to many people , but I did aim 39 . I was down by just a little bit , but still I'm off target , I'm not ok with it . As for Physics paper , I score 30.5 out of 40 . This is more disasterous . I was expecting like 33 or 34 . But then , who is to blame , or what ? It's me myself , maybe I didn't work hard enough to deserves the mark I aimed . Now , knowing my performance on both of this subjects , I doubt that my Econs is going to be better . Computer Studies paper will be tested on this Saturday and I'm not even halfway through my revision yet . Somehow , I just lost my momentum . I'm really down now .

What a F*** the day was ...

Yesterday could be my worst day in my life ... .. . I was suppose to wake up early and take the bus instead of going to school by bus . But then , I woke up late . So I bath quickly , thinking that I'm gonna make it . I was wrong ... Because you see , I haven't pack my bag and fill my bottle with water . So I had to do it . Rushly , I kept all the things I need today , that's what I thought , but it wasn't like that . I forgot a few things which honestly is kind of important . The first thing I realized that I forgot to bring was my watch . Of course , I mean I forgot to wear my watch . It's important as today I have econs test . However , I decided to go off to school without it or else I'm gonna miss the bus . Only when I reach school , I found that I forgot to bring my calculator . It's very serious as I need it for calculations in the test . So I planned to go back before the test begin . So , it's the last class of the day , it's aa lecture class , computer studies . In this class , usually I write down notes using my colour pen . So , I reached for my pencil case , opened it , and found that they weren't there ! And I recall that I used them the night before yesterday and left them at my table . So , I was left with blue pens only . Without any choice , my notes are in plain blue . At this moment , I feel that I have went through a very bad already , not knowing what's ahead of me . So , I went home . But before doing so , I went to a furniture shop to get myself a relax chair . My friend helped me to transport it back to my house . I dropped the chair home , pick up my calculator and get my watch . Then , we head back to school . When we got back to school , we still have around one and a half hour before the test begin . I didn't study , because I did it already . So , I went around chatting with my friends . Half an hour before the test starts , we went to the venue where the test was held . Again , I chat with my friends there . Finally , the test starts . It's my first test on Econs , so I had no idea how the question was going to be . Anyway , in the test , I was like sweating , cursing in my heart . At first , I don't know how to answer , wondering , what is the question asking exactly . Luckily , I firgured it out . So , start writting I did . I kept making corrections to my answer , making the whole answer sheet liquid-paper-ed . Time was running out and I wasn't done yet . To me , the paper was hard compared to science and maths . I never thought so . Although I know how to answer most of the questions , I still have to say that I did relatively bad . I left a few question undone . Feeling beaten , I went home ... to assemble my chair . So I took out everything out first . Without reading the instruction , I started . To tell you all , that was stupid and idiotic . I started with the supporting wood first , screwing them into place . Next was the supporting frame for the cushion . I looked at it , with strings between it , and I thought this must be holding it not to let it open and I thought I need to cut it to seperate them . I did . Then I looked at the instructions ... .. . Damn , that string was part of the structure . I tried to repair it then . It was a painful process . I need to pulled the string tightly and stapled them one by one . It took me like an hour to finish it . So I put the cover on . Sat down and SNAP ! One of them snapped ... Feeling frustrated , I took it out again . While taking it out , I had problem with it . It wouldn't come out . To solve that , I applied more force on my pulling . It's out ! I fixed the problem . Done , I put it back in the cover . This time , I found the zip is spoiled . I went crazy . Cursing in my room . It couldn't be worse anymore . A new product can be broken almost beyond repair within a few hours . So I decided to buy a new one the next day ... .. .

Life is so much different here ...

Today , class ended early at 10 . It's because that the class have been canceled due to the subjects for the class is going to have a test tomorrow . Alright , so it's early and I still don't wanna go home yet . So , I went to OldTown to have my breakfast . While waiting for my meal to arrive , I took out my notes and start studying . It's not a last minute study , I did prepare for it already , but it's just another revision . Sitting there alone , I concentrate on my notes , scanning words on it and understanding the concept . And then , I started thinking ... I'm miles away from home . Everything is on my own , and I'm here now studying . I'm really glad that I turned out this way instead of playing games all the time . I also know how to take care of myself and plan on my budget . It's really like an independent life . In fact , it is , except where the money is from . But , I'm working on that matter . I want to be fully sufficient , not relying anymore . I imagined myself holding my notes from a third person angle . If I know who he is and where he is from and how hard he is working in pursuing his dream . I would like admire him a lot , so much that he would be my idol . I never thought that I would look on myself in that way . The feeling is very fascinating . I never feel something like that . It's also pushing me to do better in every aspect but not just in my studies . So , I had my breakfast and then continue my studies . I settle the bill and then went to buy some daily needs at Cold Storage . I went home , it's just after 12 . Feeling a bit tired , I went for a light nap after a small chat with her . It's a 15 minutes nap . But as a matter of fact , it's not actually a nap . It's just me closing my eyes and listening to music at the same time . It's actually my time of relaxing . It went by so quickly indeed . Immeadiately , I took my dirty clothes and start my laundry . Then i take my bath . After that I went out to buy my lunch . Hungry I was , I bought a large portion of rice . I had it on my table while watching Fifth Gear that i downloaded . Upon finishing my lunch , I closed the video instead of finishing it . I went to my studies now . It's on computer studies , and the Physics . Some time later ... I stopped and planned to break . So , what I did was , cleaning up my room . First , I swept the floor . Then I mop the floor . After that , I cleaned the fan , it was clotted with dust . Again , I mop the floor . And then again , I swept the floor . Done and I went to do my laundry again . I had a lot of clothes left from last week , it was a busy week . Bath afterwards and I went out to Cold Storage again . Actually , I want to buy a chair which I can sit down and relax once in a while . So went to the furniture showroom I did and only to find that they do not include delivery of that particular chair I'm interested in . What a waste . So , I think I'll ask one of my friend to assist me tomorrow . Later on , to the Cold Storage . I want to buy hangers for my clothes as I find that I don;'t have enough of it . So I bought 12 of them . And then I saw a counter selling plants when I'm walking towards the cashier . I asked for the lady on which one is suitable for indoor planting and which is not hard to be taken care off . She suggested one and I grabed it . I think having a plant would make my room feel more comfy and natural , so why not ? So I spent a lot indeed today . My dinner was then just instant noodle . After all , I wasn't so hungry . While eating I watched South Park that I have downloaded . It became a habit for me to watch video when I'm eating at home . Maybe it's because I'm simply do not have the time beside that . I washed my bowl and chopsticks and tidy up my room again . And then , back to my studies . And I am here now , typing this . But then , I'm not going to bed yet after this . First thing to do after this is to iron my clothes . Have a bath afterwards . Then only go to bed . Alright , have to get going now . ^^ what a day for me ~

Same without difference

Same is how the condition is between she and I . I thought it would be a little better today . Although I asked her to wake me up when she wakes up , which in my opinion should be early , and it was , and she did wake me up . But then , just one call , and the she didn't check on me if I fall asleep or I already awoke . In fact , I fall asleep again , only to wake up to find that I had missed half of the day . It was half past one in the afternoon already . Usually , I would be very pissed off that she didn't check on me . And then , to think again , it's my fault that I can't wake up . I don't care so much . So , after getting up from bed , I did the laundry first only then I take my bath and brush my teeth . Then , I went out to buy my lunch and a bottle of coke . Eat it as fast as I could , and then start my work . The work that i was referring is preparing notes . In this case , Economics and Chemistry notes . It took me like 4 hours to get everything done . So , I took a small break before doing another round of laundry . It was tiring . Alright , after done with my laundry , it's back to my work . And for this time , it's my Physics experiment report . I did it halfway only , and the I felt extremely lazy ... I missed her somehow , thinking that last night was probably my mistake . I wanted to chat with her , but she was at work at the moment , being not able to reply me , so I didn't . I went to my laptop to do some surfing , read some news and download some documentory . At 15 minutes to eight , I felt hungry . I want to save , so I cooked a bowl of instant noodle as my dinner . After finishing my simple dinner , I went on to study my Econs as next Wednesday is my paper for that subject . It doesn't take long for me to complete . So the next thing is ironing . At the end of the day , I recieved her call . Her voice was lovely and soft . On the phone , she said she was just being dismissed from work and waiting for her sister to fecth her . She asked me whether I could wait for her to online or not . I answered , certainly . So , in the meantime while waiting for her to get home and bath and then only online . I went to take a bath myself . Finally , she swicthed on her MSN . We chat a little bit and then she said she want to call me through MSN . I said no problem . Upon accepting her call , she kept nagging about her clothes and her phone . Well , after getting home , she washed her clothes and somehow her sister mixed her clothes with hers' . Her clothes is white and her sister clothes isn't entirely white . So , disaster happened . And then because of that , again , somehow , her phone fell into water . So , she nagged everything to me . At first , it's alright and I kept my calm . Saying we can't do anything about it . Crying over a spilled milk is not going to change anything . I told her to get a new phone , but she ignored me , and kept nagging . I lost my temper . I felt that , she doesn't treasure the time I was spending with her . Actually I can go and study instead of chatting with her . But I want to chat with her , ask her how was her days and what did she take for her meals and so on . But she just keep nagging about the same thing over and over again . And when I pointed out that it's her own careless mistake , she just , get mad , I think . So , there she goes agian , challeging me . Being weak , I leave the conversation . Overall , I thought things could be better . But from what her tone tells me , she doesn't respect me at all . I'm disappointed ... .. .

From Bad To Worse

It has been more than one months since we were last together ... And from there , things have changed a lot since . I felt a distance between she and I . I felt that she would never understand how I feel here . I just don't know why ... But everytime she made a small mistakes , I would be very pissed off ... Honestly , I don't want to . But I just did . I just felt so without any reasonable reason . It's not fair to her . She is also feeling the pain as I am . But I feel that since I left Penang , I care less of her although I do care about her . To make things worse , she often make small minor mistakes when talking to me , which to be honset , I don't enjoy at all . Besides , recently , I don't know it's either me or her , one of us changed . Differently , somehow or other , we can't really communicate very well lately . For example , just now , I had a conversation with her . She just got home . Just bath . We chat ... Not even 5 minutes later , I am already feeling the tension in the air . I just don't enjoy chatting with her . It's sad to be thinking of that . Because I really really really want to chat nicely and happily with her . However , everytime we chat , everything just gone wrong like that without warning . And most of the time , she never even thought it was her fault . Maybe it was mine . Maybe the both of us have changed since we set apart almost one and a half month ago . She told me she had changed ... Well , I do admit that . But into someone better . I am not sure ... She never hang up my phone back then , but now , it's very common . She is also very keen into raising her voice at me , so do I . Both of us were not like that . She can just leave me and ignore me , which I think is the part destroying our realtionship . What really differentiate her now from her old self is that she can be rude to me when she wants to . She told me many times that she will not be like that anymore . But everytime , there's another time . She is not the soft female that I knew her to be . She is not afraid of me anymore , but could stand against me . She is not a weak female that i want anymore , she is too strong for me . She is just different ... Or is it me that is different ...? Although I really don't want this relationship to end , but my feelings is telling me that it's going to . I can be different for her . But then , I don't think I will ... .. . I think this is it ... .. .

My Life in PJ

Life isn't what i think it is here . I thought it would be fun and fantastic . I thought that it would be very relaxing and enjoyable . But then , i was wrong . It has been more than one month since i'm here . To be honest , the first week was very hard . Life seems to be just about me alone and doing routine every single day . I was really in pain , finding very hard to adjust and adapt to this new environment . The first meal i take was on my own , of course , because i don't know anyone here . Not even one person , not even my housemate . All the people around me back then are strangers to me . The meal here is , well , not as delicious as the food back in Penang . Not a chance at all , and it's a lot more expensive . I don't enjoy the food here at all . During my early month here , i need to take the bus to school . Actually , it's my first time taking bus to school , i never tried before , and i would like to tell that i hate it a lot . Because you see , you neew to wait and wait , like an idot , wondering when the bus is going to arrive . And when it arrives , the time taken for me to wait for the bus would have taken me to school if i were walking . Conclusion ? Time consuming . Ok , college life is really different , with air-conditioned room , which is very nice ^^ , but sometimes can be really cold , which is a bad thing . Class was quick and simple on the first day , nothing much , just some introduction about ourselves . First week ended , and it felt like a year's time . Second week , hmmm ... Things are more serious now , i set my goal to get a CGPA of 3.9 and above . I was hardworking more than ever , more than when I'm going to sit for my SPM last year . When people print out their lectrure notes , i copy it . When people revise what had the lecture thaught today , I will do my pre-studies on what the lecture will teach next week . I always sit i front to get the best attention to the lesson . These all are not easy , pressure was on me all the time . When i get my first assignemt , basically I can say that I done it in a week time instead of the given 7 weeks time period before passing up . Now , I got my second and third assignment already . I haven't finish either of them , it's because latelt , I have been very busy completing science reports and doing revision for the test . Test is every week , so I need to be consistent . Sometimes , I don't even have the time to wash my clothes , and usually I'll only wash it once two days . That's how I busy I am here , and always wonder why people keep telling me why college is easy ... .. .

After week 2 , life here is better . In what sense ? One of it is freedom . You can't get more freedom than this . I am on my own already . I go to bed whenever I am . I sleep until what time I like during weekends . I will have my meal anytime I like . I am really enjoying this . Realizing this , I appreciate life here more and more from day to day and looking forward to the next day . And here , is where I shape myself to be independent . To do everything on my own , in studies , cleaning up , food and everything else . I manage my time well , to make sure that i have enough time for both my studies and entertainment . But still , I seldom go out on weekends . Honestly , I would prefer to stay at home . It's because , first , i can save money - transport is not cheap here . Secondly , I would have more time on my studies , clean up my room and wash my clothes and so on . But when I go out , I fall in love with this big city . Everything here is enormous . The shopping complex is so big . And since I'm here , I had saw two Ferrari's already . And every day , I can see a lot of new cars which is expensive and can only be dream now . Another thing which I like here is its digital mall ... The whole mall is selling electronic devices , from computer to MP3 player to game console . You name it , they have it . Price are much more cheaper too , maybe it's because of competition . I like going there even just to walk around .