I let myself down

I got back two of my test paper already . Non of them satifies me , unfortunately . For chemistry , I score 38 out of 40 . It may sound good to many people , but I did aim 39 . I was down by just a little bit , but still I'm off target , I'm not ok with it . As for Physics paper , I score 30.5 out of 40 . This is more disasterous . I was expecting like 33 or 34 . But then , who is to blame , or what ? It's me myself , maybe I didn't work hard enough to deserves the mark I aimed . Now , knowing my performance on both of this subjects , I doubt that my Econs is going to be better . Computer Studies paper will be tested on this Saturday and I'm not even halfway through my revision yet . Somehow , I just lost my momentum . I'm really down now .

What a F*** the day was ...

Yesterday could be my worst day in my life ... .. . I was suppose to wake up early and take the bus instead of going to school by bus . But then , I woke up late . So I bath quickly , thinking that I'm gonna make it . I was wrong ... Because you see , I haven't pack my bag and fill my bottle with water . So I had to do it . Rushly , I kept all the things I need today , that's what I thought , but it wasn't like that . I forgot a few things which honestly is kind of important . The first thing I realized that I forgot to bring was my watch . Of course , I mean I forgot to wear my watch . It's important as today I have econs test . However , I decided to go off to school without it or else I'm gonna miss the bus . Only when I reach school , I found that I forgot to bring my calculator . It's very serious as I need it for calculations in the test . So I planned to go back before the test begin . So , it's the last class of the day , it's aa lecture class , computer studies . In this class , usually I write down notes using my colour pen . So , I reached for my pencil case , opened it , and found that they weren't there ! And I recall that I used them the night before yesterday and left them at my table . So , I was left with blue pens only . Without any choice , my notes are in plain blue . At this moment , I feel that I have went through a very bad already , not knowing what's ahead of me . So , I went home . But before doing so , I went to a furniture shop to get myself a relax chair . My friend helped me to transport it back to my house . I dropped the chair home , pick up my calculator and get my watch . Then , we head back to school . When we got back to school , we still have around one and a half hour before the test begin . I didn't study , because I did it already . So , I went around chatting with my friends . Half an hour before the test starts , we went to the venue where the test was held . Again , I chat with my friends there . Finally , the test starts . It's my first test on Econs , so I had no idea how the question was going to be . Anyway , in the test , I was like sweating , cursing in my heart . At first , I don't know how to answer , wondering , what is the question asking exactly . Luckily , I firgured it out . So , start writting I did . I kept making corrections to my answer , making the whole answer sheet liquid-paper-ed . Time was running out and I wasn't done yet . To me , the paper was hard compared to science and maths . I never thought so . Although I know how to answer most of the questions , I still have to say that I did relatively bad . I left a few question undone . Feeling beaten , I went home ... to assemble my chair . So I took out everything out first . Without reading the instruction , I started . To tell you all , that was stupid and idiotic . I started with the supporting wood first , screwing them into place . Next was the supporting frame for the cushion . I looked at it , with strings between it , and I thought this must be holding it not to let it open and I thought I need to cut it to seperate them . I did . Then I looked at the instructions ... .. . Damn , that string was part of the structure . I tried to repair it then . It was a painful process . I need to pulled the string tightly and stapled them one by one . It took me like an hour to finish it . So I put the cover on . Sat down and SNAP ! One of them snapped ... Feeling frustrated , I took it out again . While taking it out , I had problem with it . It wouldn't come out . To solve that , I applied more force on my pulling . It's out ! I fixed the problem . Done , I put it back in the cover . This time , I found the zip is spoiled . I went crazy . Cursing in my room . It couldn't be worse anymore . A new product can be broken almost beyond repair within a few hours . So I decided to buy a new one the next day ... .. .

Life is so much different here ...

Today , class ended early at 10 . It's because that the class have been canceled due to the subjects for the class is going to have a test tomorrow . Alright , so it's early and I still don't wanna go home yet . So , I went to OldTown to have my breakfast . While waiting for my meal to arrive , I took out my notes and start studying . It's not a last minute study , I did prepare for it already , but it's just another revision . Sitting there alone , I concentrate on my notes , scanning words on it and understanding the concept . And then , I started thinking ... I'm miles away from home . Everything is on my own , and I'm here now studying . I'm really glad that I turned out this way instead of playing games all the time . I also know how to take care of myself and plan on my budget . It's really like an independent life . In fact , it is , except where the money is from . But , I'm working on that matter . I want to be fully sufficient , not relying anymore . I imagined myself holding my notes from a third person angle . If I know who he is and where he is from and how hard he is working in pursuing his dream . I would like admire him a lot , so much that he would be my idol . I never thought that I would look on myself in that way . The feeling is very fascinating . I never feel something like that . It's also pushing me to do better in every aspect but not just in my studies . So , I had my breakfast and then continue my studies . I settle the bill and then went to buy some daily needs at Cold Storage . I went home , it's just after 12 . Feeling a bit tired , I went for a light nap after a small chat with her . It's a 15 minutes nap . But as a matter of fact , it's not actually a nap . It's just me closing my eyes and listening to music at the same time . It's actually my time of relaxing . It went by so quickly indeed . Immeadiately , I took my dirty clothes and start my laundry . Then i take my bath . After that I went out to buy my lunch . Hungry I was , I bought a large portion of rice . I had it on my table while watching Fifth Gear that i downloaded . Upon finishing my lunch , I closed the video instead of finishing it . I went to my studies now . It's on computer studies , and the Physics . Some time later ... I stopped and planned to break . So , what I did was , cleaning up my room . First , I swept the floor . Then I mop the floor . After that , I cleaned the fan , it was clotted with dust . Again , I mop the floor . And then again , I swept the floor . Done and I went to do my laundry again . I had a lot of clothes left from last week , it was a busy week . Bath afterwards and I went out to Cold Storage again . Actually , I want to buy a chair which I can sit down and relax once in a while . So went to the furniture showroom I did and only to find that they do not include delivery of that particular chair I'm interested in . What a waste . So , I think I'll ask one of my friend to assist me tomorrow . Later on , to the Cold Storage . I want to buy hangers for my clothes as I find that I don;'t have enough of it . So I bought 12 of them . And then I saw a counter selling plants when I'm walking towards the cashier . I asked for the lady on which one is suitable for indoor planting and which is not hard to be taken care off . She suggested one and I grabed it . I think having a plant would make my room feel more comfy and natural , so why not ? So I spent a lot indeed today . My dinner was then just instant noodle . After all , I wasn't so hungry . While eating I watched South Park that I have downloaded . It became a habit for me to watch video when I'm eating at home . Maybe it's because I'm simply do not have the time beside that . I washed my bowl and chopsticks and tidy up my room again . And then , back to my studies . And I am here now , typing this . But then , I'm not going to bed yet after this . First thing to do after this is to iron my clothes . Have a bath afterwards . Then only go to bed . Alright , have to get going now . ^^ what a day for me ~

Same without difference

Same is how the condition is between she and I . I thought it would be a little better today . Although I asked her to wake me up when she wakes up , which in my opinion should be early , and it was , and she did wake me up . But then , just one call , and the she didn't check on me if I fall asleep or I already awoke . In fact , I fall asleep again , only to wake up to find that I had missed half of the day . It was half past one in the afternoon already . Usually , I would be very pissed off that she didn't check on me . And then , to think again , it's my fault that I can't wake up . I don't care so much . So , after getting up from bed , I did the laundry first only then I take my bath and brush my teeth . Then , I went out to buy my lunch and a bottle of coke . Eat it as fast as I could , and then start my work . The work that i was referring is preparing notes . In this case , Economics and Chemistry notes . It took me like 4 hours to get everything done . So , I took a small break before doing another round of laundry . It was tiring . Alright , after done with my laundry , it's back to my work . And for this time , it's my Physics experiment report . I did it halfway only , and the I felt extremely lazy ... I missed her somehow , thinking that last night was probably my mistake . I wanted to chat with her , but she was at work at the moment , being not able to reply me , so I didn't . I went to my laptop to do some surfing , read some news and download some documentory . At 15 minutes to eight , I felt hungry . I want to save , so I cooked a bowl of instant noodle as my dinner . After finishing my simple dinner , I went on to study my Econs as next Wednesday is my paper for that subject . It doesn't take long for me to complete . So the next thing is ironing . At the end of the day , I recieved her call . Her voice was lovely and soft . On the phone , she said she was just being dismissed from work and waiting for her sister to fecth her . She asked me whether I could wait for her to online or not . I answered , certainly . So , in the meantime while waiting for her to get home and bath and then only online . I went to take a bath myself . Finally , she swicthed on her MSN . We chat a little bit and then she said she want to call me through MSN . I said no problem . Upon accepting her call , she kept nagging about her clothes and her phone . Well , after getting home , she washed her clothes and somehow her sister mixed her clothes with hers' . Her clothes is white and her sister clothes isn't entirely white . So , disaster happened . And then because of that , again , somehow , her phone fell into water . So , she nagged everything to me . At first , it's alright and I kept my calm . Saying we can't do anything about it . Crying over a spilled milk is not going to change anything . I told her to get a new phone , but she ignored me , and kept nagging . I lost my temper . I felt that , she doesn't treasure the time I was spending with her . Actually I can go and study instead of chatting with her . But I want to chat with her , ask her how was her days and what did she take for her meals and so on . But she just keep nagging about the same thing over and over again . And when I pointed out that it's her own careless mistake , she just , get mad , I think . So , there she goes agian , challeging me . Being weak , I leave the conversation . Overall , I thought things could be better . But from what her tone tells me , she doesn't respect me at all . I'm disappointed ... .. .

From Bad To Worse

It has been more than one months since we were last together ... And from there , things have changed a lot since . I felt a distance between she and I . I felt that she would never understand how I feel here . I just don't know why ... But everytime she made a small mistakes , I would be very pissed off ... Honestly , I don't want to . But I just did . I just felt so without any reasonable reason . It's not fair to her . She is also feeling the pain as I am . But I feel that since I left Penang , I care less of her although I do care about her . To make things worse , she often make small minor mistakes when talking to me , which to be honset , I don't enjoy at all . Besides , recently , I don't know it's either me or her , one of us changed . Differently , somehow or other , we can't really communicate very well lately . For example , just now , I had a conversation with her . She just got home . Just bath . We chat ... Not even 5 minutes later , I am already feeling the tension in the air . I just don't enjoy chatting with her . It's sad to be thinking of that . Because I really really really want to chat nicely and happily with her . However , everytime we chat , everything just gone wrong like that without warning . And most of the time , she never even thought it was her fault . Maybe it was mine . Maybe the both of us have changed since we set apart almost one and a half month ago . She told me she had changed ... Well , I do admit that . But into someone better . I am not sure ... She never hang up my phone back then , but now , it's very common . She is also very keen into raising her voice at me , so do I . Both of us were not like that . She can just leave me and ignore me , which I think is the part destroying our realtionship . What really differentiate her now from her old self is that she can be rude to me when she wants to . She told me many times that she will not be like that anymore . But everytime , there's another time . She is not the soft female that I knew her to be . She is not afraid of me anymore , but could stand against me . She is not a weak female that i want anymore , she is too strong for me . She is just different ... Or is it me that is different ...? Although I really don't want this relationship to end , but my feelings is telling me that it's going to . I can be different for her . But then , I don't think I will ... .. . I think this is it ... .. .

My Life in PJ

Life isn't what i think it is here . I thought it would be fun and fantastic . I thought that it would be very relaxing and enjoyable . But then , i was wrong . It has been more than one month since i'm here . To be honest , the first week was very hard . Life seems to be just about me alone and doing routine every single day . I was really in pain , finding very hard to adjust and adapt to this new environment . The first meal i take was on my own , of course , because i don't know anyone here . Not even one person , not even my housemate . All the people around me back then are strangers to me . The meal here is , well , not as delicious as the food back in Penang . Not a chance at all , and it's a lot more expensive . I don't enjoy the food here at all . During my early month here , i need to take the bus to school . Actually , it's my first time taking bus to school , i never tried before , and i would like to tell that i hate it a lot . Because you see , you neew to wait and wait , like an idot , wondering when the bus is going to arrive . And when it arrives , the time taken for me to wait for the bus would have taken me to school if i were walking . Conclusion ? Time consuming . Ok , college life is really different , with air-conditioned room , which is very nice ^^ , but sometimes can be really cold , which is a bad thing . Class was quick and simple on the first day , nothing much , just some introduction about ourselves . First week ended , and it felt like a year's time . Second week , hmmm ... Things are more serious now , i set my goal to get a CGPA of 3.9 and above . I was hardworking more than ever , more than when I'm going to sit for my SPM last year . When people print out their lectrure notes , i copy it . When people revise what had the lecture thaught today , I will do my pre-studies on what the lecture will teach next week . I always sit i front to get the best attention to the lesson . These all are not easy , pressure was on me all the time . When i get my first assignemt , basically I can say that I done it in a week time instead of the given 7 weeks time period before passing up . Now , I got my second and third assignment already . I haven't finish either of them , it's because latelt , I have been very busy completing science reports and doing revision for the test . Test is every week , so I need to be consistent . Sometimes , I don't even have the time to wash my clothes , and usually I'll only wash it once two days . That's how I busy I am here , and always wonder why people keep telling me why college is easy ... .. .

After week 2 , life here is better . In what sense ? One of it is freedom . You can't get more freedom than this . I am on my own already . I go to bed whenever I am . I sleep until what time I like during weekends . I will have my meal anytime I like . I am really enjoying this . Realizing this , I appreciate life here more and more from day to day and looking forward to the next day . And here , is where I shape myself to be independent . To do everything on my own , in studies , cleaning up , food and everything else . I manage my time well , to make sure that i have enough time for both my studies and entertainment . But still , I seldom go out on weekends . Honestly , I would prefer to stay at home . It's because , first , i can save money - transport is not cheap here . Secondly , I would have more time on my studies , clean up my room and wash my clothes and so on . But when I go out , I fall in love with this big city . Everything here is enormous . The shopping complex is so big . And since I'm here , I had saw two Ferrari's already . And every day , I can see a lot of new cars which is expensive and can only be dream now . Another thing which I like here is its digital mall ... The whole mall is selling electronic devices , from computer to MP3 player to game console . You name it , they have it . Price are much more cheaper too , maybe it's because of competition . I like going there even just to walk around .